Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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