We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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