I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
