You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
