I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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