can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
