I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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