And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
