i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
