So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
