she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
