There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
