I just threw up on my dentist
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
