just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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