i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
