I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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