One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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