She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
