Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
