NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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