I love black thongs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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