she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
