My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
