it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
