Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
