the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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