Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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