I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
