Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Four minutes until I can fart!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think people are normalizing furries
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
