I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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