two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
