i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
