This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
