trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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