my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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