I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
