In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
