I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
