There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
