I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
