thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Buhtt sex?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
