I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
