Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
