everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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