Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
