I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
