he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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