I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I AM VODKA MAN
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
