How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
