tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
don't judge my taste in strippers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
