I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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