i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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